GOD, NEED MY HELP?

"God, you need me to help you?" I never seem to ask this question out loud. I mean I know God is the almighty God who created the heavens and the earth and everything in between. I know he “has the whole world in his hands”. The whole world..that’s a lot of responsibility. Maybe he could use my help right? I mean there are about 8 million people in the world and that’s not counting the animals and the plants. That’s a lot for God to take on so maybe if I helped him out then it would make it easier and things would get done. Of course this is my whole thinking process..I wouldn’t dare say any of this out loud because I’m a Christian and Christians are suppose to..how’s that saying go? “Let go and Let God”. We are suppose to say those few simple words and poof..we no longer want to take control, right? WRONG.

For as long as I can remember I have been a control freak. If I get my mind set to something, I want it to workout just as I have it pictured in my head...just ask my stepmom who I always seem to involve in these picture perfect plans. Of course as I have experienced throughout life, and I’m sure anyone reading this would agree, life doesn’t always go the way you planned it. You don’t make that cheer team like you imagined, or get that perfect prom dress because your prom got moved to January and you have to buy last years dresses. You come just shy of getting a top spot in your graduating class or your parents make you go to college when you don’t want to. You don’t get that perfect boyfriend that you are going to marry by age 21 or get that acting job you’ve been dreaming of since you were old enough to know what an actress was. Or in the case of Covid-19, you don’t get a proper graduation.

I had my life planned out perfectly. I would graduate high school top of my class with my best friends. (When I was younger I imagined having a bunch of friends by the time I was 16, however when I graduated I only had 2..but it’s fine, I loved it that way) I would go on to pursue my dream of becoming an actress and would audition for a movie created by the Kendrick brothers. I would be married by 21 (or at least have a suitable candidate) and my husband and I would go out sharing the gospel to the world. I would have 1 child about 2 years later (I really wanted a girl so we could wear those mommy daughter outfits). I would build a big house and we would take family trips to Disney every year. After our precious daughter grew up, my husband and I would travel the world seeing all of God’s creation. What I had envisioned didn’t happen whatsoever.

I graduated high school just shy of being in the top 3. I went on to ICC (which is a community college that I didn’t want to go to) because my parents made me. (They told me if I got a degree in something then I could go on to acting) I took my first classes on campus but hated it so much that I took the next 3 semesters online. During those 2 years at ICC I changed my major 3 times and finally decided to just get an associates of arts degree. (This is pretty much just a degree saying you went to college 2 years, took classes and did well) I started working at a bank doing loans and was making good money. I bought my dream car, was dating a little, and was about to be done with a college that I hated so much. I was pursuing God and even was helping out with GA’s on Wednesday night. (For those of you who are not Southern Baptist, that stands for Girls in Action. It’s a mission focused lesson for young girls) Everything was starting to look on the up and up. The spring break of my last semester of college my youth minister and his wife led up a team to go on a mission trip to Costa Rica. I prayed about it and just knew God was leading me to go. I signed up and a few weeks later an anonymous check came in to pay for my whole trip. I knew for certain that I was meant to go on this trip for some reason! Spring break arrives and I’m headed to Costa Rica not knowing how it would change my life.

We were able to work with young children throughout the whole week, and I was also able to help a young lady (who I would keep communications with later) with her English. We were able to go in a school about halfway through the week. (This had never been done before our group) I remembered being told that the schools down there had to work on shifts because there wasn’t enough teachers. So Elementary would go in the morning, middle school in the afternoon and high school at night! I remember this because as soon as this was said a burden was laid on my heart. By the end of the trip I felt God calling me to teach. (People had asked me a bunch prior to this if I would want to be a teacher and I would shut that down real fast). I just knew since God was calling me to teach, and since I was on a mission trip, that he was going to make me a foreign missionary with my teaching degree. I would tell my parent when I got home (which was kind of rough) and sell my dream car (which was so hard). I head off to Blue Mountain (the first year was a struggle, for not only me but my parents as well). I was pursuing a degree in teaching and a minor in biblical studies with the mindset that God would send me overseas (with my future husband of course). I also had the idea I would be graduating in May 2020. When I didn’t feel God calling me overseas to be a missionary about a year in I was heartbroken, thinking that God wasn’t going to use me. I began to doubt my choices and wondered if it was out of my own selfish desire to teach. I took a semester off from doing any Bible classes and just focused on my teaching degree. However, during that semester something didn’t set right with me. I knew God was calling me to share his word but I wasn’t sure if it was overseas. I went to talk with my advisor and even without my Bible classes I would be pushed back a semester or have to take summer classes to graduate on time. (Something had been messed up to push me back) With my Bible classes it would be a whole year out before I graduated. (Apparently elementary education classes don’t have minors) I knew what God was calling me to do even though it was not what I had planned.

I am currently going into my second year of being a senior at Blue Mountain College. I am pursuing a degree in Elementary Education with a minor in biblical studies. I am single and trying to be content in that place until God shows me otherwise. I have a house with someone who was once just a friend but has grown to be like a sister to me. Yes I’m a year behind for graduating but because of that extra year I am able to spend 2 years on the BSU council where I have discovered some friends I didn’t know I needed, been a part of the Euzelian council, have meet some amazing people who would change my life forever, met professors who cared so much for me and my journey, and went on a mission trip to NY that would change my perspective of how God could still use me. Let’s go back to my initial question. “God, you need me to help you?” When I have a plan stuck in my mind and I am zeroed in on that plan I forget that God should be the one in control of my life. When things look like they are derailing for me, I start to think God needs my help to make things happen. Looking back over the years on how God has molded my life to bring me to this exact point, I wonder why I ever question him at all. So for the person who is reading this today that needs to hear this: God has your life in his hands. He knows every move you make and he cares so much about your next move. There is a quote by Henry Blackaby that says “Some people can be so disoriented to God that when he begins to work around them, they actually become annoyed at the interruption.” Are you annoyed by God interrupting your life?

Always,

Hailey