In the Moment

Do you ever just sit and think about your past? Or dream about what your future could look like? I do. Sometimes I even do it without trying. I think back to the Saturday morning cartoons or the T-Ball front yard mini games and I regret them. I regret that I took them for granted, and I regret that during that time, I was wishing to be older. To be cooler. To have a car and freedom. I think about what my future could look like. A classroom full of students who aren’t wearing masks. A house and a family to come home to. A church that I serve at and can grow in. Isn’t it ironic? We wish and wish for the future and when the future gets here, we either: A. Want to go back or B. Keep wishing for more things.

My preacher told me one time: you will never be able to go back to the past and you will never reach the future. So I pose this question to anyone reading this: Why do we dwell on the past or seek the future? Why can’t we simply take joy in the days that we currently occupy?

I was talking with my parents the other day, and I told them that I couldn’t wait to graduate. I’m in my last semester of college and I can’t wait until I’ve completely accomplished it. I’ve missed it. I’ve missed this exact moment that I prayed for at some point in my life, actually I probably prayed for this moment last semester when I cried so much over lit block. I’ve been through 5 years of college and each semester I’m wishing for the next one and then the next one and..well, you get the point. When I was 18, I was so excited about college. I couldn’t wait to experience it, be apart of it..and yet somehow, when it got here, I’ve wished every part of it away. I can’t go back. I won’t get any of it back. Not to say I didn’t do things along the way, or make friends and memories. BUT how much better would it have been to live in the moment instead of constantly worry about my future, or reminisce on my past.

I’ve lived in the moment one time in my life and it was indescribable. When I went on a trip with two friends from my BSU here recently, I enjoyed every day. Every second. I wasn’t worried about our next destination or the next big thing we would do. I lived in the moment and how beautiful we made each second. It wasn’t hard in that moment because I knew that each step would be an experience that I couldn’t get back. Each mile would be a new conversation, new song, new piece of God’s art work and that made it so special to me. I felt so alive. That made it easy to focus on what was there. Yet, I come home and wish. I wish to be on another road trip. I wish to be done with school. I wish for my own classroom. I wish for corona to be gone. But yet I also look back and wish I had more time. More time to cherish the moments. To cherish the new friends. To cherish my roommate and my sweet friend who took on Lit Block with me. To cherish people pushing me closer to God. To cherish late night backroad drives with my bestie. And to cherish the BSU.

I think sometimes we look back on our past and become saddened because we realize that we took so much for granted in that time. We wished we would’ve done things differently but we can’t. But what we can do is start now. Enjoy where you are at right now in life. If you are a senior and you are going through this pandemic, enjoy it all because you will never get it back, even if it wasn’t exactly what you wanted. If you are a newlywed, enjoy your honeymoon phase because although your wedding day is over, you will never get back these first couple of months being together. If you are in college, enjoy it because you won’t get these memories and experiences back. If you are saying goodbye to a loved one, make it count because you may not have the chance to tomorrow. Wherever you are in your journey right now..live it and make it count. Love hard, forgive easy, and stop wishing and start doing. You have so much to offer the world and it won’t happen by you looking back at the past or wishing for the future. Don’t get me wrong, ambition is good, but don’t miss out on the journey that takes you to your goal.

I’m reminded of this quote from my favorite TV show: “It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re 17 and planning for someday. And then quietly and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.” -OTH

Say not, “Why were the former days better than these?” For it is not from wisdom that you ask this. -Ecclesiastes 7:10

Jesus said to him, “No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for the kingdom of God.” -Luke 9:62

Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. -Philippians 3:13-14

Live Bold,

Hailey